Click Here To Order Online


Click here to find a bookstore near you!

The candlelight flickered gently as William reached across the restaurant table to hand me a small velvet box.

"Happy Anniversary, Dear," he said.

"Anniversary?" I queried.

He rolled his eyes. "It's our one month anniversary today. That's why I brought you here, for a special dinner to celebrate our very first month of marriage."

I smiled as I held the box out in front of me. I glanced over at William, his features lit by the dim lights overhead and the candle between us. His face was hard with only a slight smile on his lips. I knew that the clock was now ticking for me; I had already made one mistake and chances were that William would not allow many more. I forced myself to smile brightly as I stared at the box. I had to work extra hard to prove to him that I was as fine on the inside as I appeared to be on the outside. If not, our evening would end like all the others in the past two weeks, filled with arguing, fighting, and hitting.

"Can I open it now?" I asked, hoping that I suddenly had a twinkle in my eyes.

He nodded once.

I slowly opened the box, wondering if I should get teary-eyed when I saw what was inside. The box clicked open to reveal a small pair of pearl earrings. I looked up with a wide smile of surprise.

He arched an eyebrow. "They are real."

"May I put them in?"

Again, a nod, and I quickly obeyed.

"They look nice," he said, his voice a little softer. "I like it when you wear your hair up like that, and when you wear lots of makeup."

My stomach knotted. Underneath the layers of heavy makeup I wore were a black eye and several yellowing bruises. I turned my face away, as if embarrassed by his praise. I reached up and touched an earring. How could something so beautiful look nice on me when I felt so ugly?

"I want today to be a starting-over point for us, like we are newly married again," he paused a moment. "What I am saying is that I am willing to forgive you for all the mistakes you have made this past month. If you promise to try harder, I am willing to forget all the times that you have hurt me. We'll let the past remain in the past."

I looked down at my hands, my mind racing. Starting over? No more reminders of my incompetence, my mindlessness, my failures as a cook and wife? It sounded wonderful, but I couldn't help but wonder what he was really thinking. I looked up at him and nodded slowly.

"We need a fresh start. To be - as you said so well- newly married," I answered.

"Because of your family we started off our marriage on the wrong foot. It's time to take charge and do this right." He was about to say something else, but was interrupted by the waitress who came to take our order. I waited patiently while William gave her instructions for both of us.

'The right foot?' I thought, wanting to laugh at the irony. Just a week before I had been at the BYU Health Center having stitches removed from my right foot. In a fit of anger, William had hurled his drinking glass at my bare feet resulting in a late night trip to the emergency room, a carefully constructed lie, and nine stitches- the first stitches in my life. Gratefully his anger had dissipated as soon as he saw the blood flowing down my ankle and foot, and the argument ended.

I stole a glance at William who was laughing with the pretty waitress. 'Newly married?' I thought. 'No more yelling; no more slapping or hitting; no more black eyes. Back when I did things right? Or did I? Had I ever done anything right for William?' My mind searched through the memories of the past month. 'What have I done right?' It was easier to think of what I had done wrong. I unpacked the bedroom before unpacking the kitchen while William watched TV. I made him dinners that were too high in fat and calories. I put the magazines on the coffee table wrong after dusting, forcing William to repeatedly throw them on the floor until I got it right. 'I haven't done anything right,' I admitted bitterly to myself. I glanced up at William who was staring at me.

"Tell me what you are thinking," he demanded. My heart sank; this was one of his favorite games- the one he used to show how stupid I was by making fun of the things I thought about.

I took a deep breath, hoping that what I said wouldn't ensure that I got beaten at home. "I was just thinking about this past month and thinking that I hadn't done anything right."

He remained quiet for a moment, thinking over what I said, while I waited breathlessly for his reaction. Finally he nodded a few moments. "You are right, but like I said before, I am willing to forgive you and give you another chance- if you are willing to promise to try harder. You owe me a lot after what you have put me through. I just hope that this time you get it right."

"Thank you, William," I said, breathing a big sigh of relief. "What have I ever done to deserve you?" I added sweetly with a nice smile. The question echoed in the back of mind as William began flirting with the waitress who had come to refill our water glasses. What had I done to deserve this?